Why Do I Never Learn?
by ALonesomeAuthor
Summary: "Why the hell not!" I demanded angrily. "I've already explained to you why" said Mustang "A firearm is dangerous in the hands of anyone whether they're twelve or twenty-four. Anything could happen Edward. Now I told you no and I meant it." When Edward finds out Mustang won't let him have his State issued gun he is not happy. Warning: Spanking. Parental!Breda/Ed. No Slash. Rated T.


**A/N: A reviewer of mine, Brenne, thought that it would be interesting if I wrote a disciplinary fic between Edward and Breda and I must admit that I was intrigued by the idea so I decided to write it for him/her. :) Also thanks has to go the wonderful Fullmetal224, for being such a wonderful help and inspiration to me. So thanks so much Fullmetal224! And Happy Birthday!**

 **And just so you know this takes place in the same timeline as my other story "Warning: Smoking Can Be Hazardous To Your Health" and it takes place after that one.**

 **Warning:** **This story contains spanking of a child by a parental/brotherly figure. If you don't enjoy stories like this then please read one that is more suited to you. There are plenty of stories out there folks just waiting to be read, if you don't care for mine.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or it's characters. I'm simply borrowing them and will return them when I am finished.**

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Why Do I Never Learn?

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I stood staring at the stark white walls of the corner of Mustang's office thinking about the idiotic actions that had landed me here. It had been my own stupidity that had gotten me here. I should have never overreacted the way that I had. My mind began to replay the earlier events of the day...

...oOo...

"I said no, Edward."

"Why the hell not?!" I demanded angrily.

"I do believe I've already explained to you why I said no."

"I'm a State Alchemist! I'm a soldier! Everyone else got issued a firearm, in fact it's military protocol to issue a pistol to _every_ soldier, State Alchemist or not, in the military, so why didn't I get one?" I yelled angrily. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, other than someone insinuating that I was short, because I wasn't, was people treating me like I was a child because I wasn't that either. I had stopped being a child a long time ago.

"Because you are a twelve year old boy, who has absolutely no experience with any kind of firearm." answered Mustang calmly.

"Stop treating me like a child!"

"I'm not Edward. A firearm is dangerous in the hands of anyone whether they're twelve or twenty-four. Anything could happen Edward. You could accidentally shoot yourself or someone else. I have already spoken to the Fuhrer about this and he is in full agreement with me. Now I told you Edward I am not going to give you your state issued pistol until I decide that you're ready to handle it. I told you no and I meant it. And I don't want to hear another word about it!" said Mustang, as I opened my mouth to protest some more.

I glared at Mustang for a moment before I walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me so hard that I was sure that I heard it crack. I smirked with satisfaction as I heard the slightly muffled but angry shout of _"Dammit Fullmetal!"_ from Mustang. But the satisfaction of pissing off Mustang wasn't enough to quench the anger I felt at being treating like some idiotic little kid. If I had been any other State Alchemist they would have given me my pistol without a second thought, but just because I was twelve they thought they could withhold it from me. If they didn't want me to have a gun they shouldn't have allowed me into the military in the first place!

I stomped blindly through the halls as I inwardly seethed. If they would just let me prove to them that I could handle a pistol then they would see how stupid they had been with their worries and concerns. The more I thought about it the angrier I became. This was worse than when they had forbidden me to smoke! Who had ever heard of a soldier that didn't have a weapon? It was true that as a State Alchemist I was my own weapon but still! If I could just prove it to them! I stopped abruptly in the hall that I was in. I could prove it to Mustang. Breda almost always left his gun in the office during the lunch hour. Sure it was usually locked in his desk drawer but I could easily remedy that. Then once I had taken it and managed to prove how good I could shoot a gun there would be no way Mustang or the Fuhrer could deny me my pistol.

I glanced at the wall clock that hung nearby. It was already fifteen minutes past the lunch hour. Hopefully the office would be empty for the full hour. Turning around quickly, I walked towards the mess hall. My plan wouldn't work if one of the team came back to the office sooner than expected. I peered around the open doorway of the mess hall and scanned the crowded area for Mustang and the team. I saw Breda and Havoc in line and Mustang and Riza already seated with Maes Hughes trying to show them about fifty million photos of Elicia. Fuery and Falman were sitting near by looking as though they were hoping that Hughes wouldn't turn on them next. Stifling a laugh I turned and hurried rushed back to the office.

Making sure that no one saw me, I sneaked back into Mustang's office and immediately went for Breda's gun, which was just laying on his desk for anyone to take. It looked as if it had been recently cleaned which would explain why it wasn't locked up. I looked at the weapon sitting there and for a brief moment contemplated just leaving it there and forgetting about the whole plan. Until I imagined the shocked looks on everyone's faces and the pride that I would feel in finally getting my own pistol. Knowing that I only had about thirty minutes left to get to the firing range, fire off a few bulls eyes, and get back to return Breda's gun before the lunch hour was over, I quickly pulled the pistol out of it's holster and took a minute to admire it. It wasn't as pretty as Hawkeye's pistol but still it had a nice weight to it and it felt good in my hands. I held it for a moment longer before I moved to place it back in it's holster, which I had left on the table.

A loud bang that sounded like an explosive bomb went off right beside me. My head ringing; I fell to the floor scared and dropped the gun. I saw, rather than heard, the gun go off a second time as it hit the floor beside me, landing with it's barrel pointing towards me. I sat there with my back to the wall while my heart beat violently against my chest. I heard another loud explosion. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the bullet to hit me. Something touched my shoulder and I jumped. I opened my eyes and found myself staring back into the face of one very concerned Colonel Roy Mustang. His mouth was moving but I couldn't make out what he was saying. As the ringing in my ears slowly began to subside, I was able to catch some of what Mustang was babbling:

 _"Dearest God Edward! What the hell just happened? Are you alright? Did you get hit by a bullet? Ed? Edward? Please Edward, answer me!"_

"I-I-I d-don't k-kn-know!" I practically screamed.

Mustang leaned me back against the wall and began looking me over for injuries. After one last final look over he gave a satisfied relieved sigh before turning stern before saying angrily:

"What did you do Edward?" When I only shook my head in reply he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me slightly while repeating his question through gritted teeth. "What. Did. You. Do?"

"I-I don't know w-what h-h-happened!"

"Edward." Mustang growled in annoyance. "I suggest you start telling me the truth right now. And don't you dare lie to me." When I made no move to explain what had happened, Mustang lost his patience and shouted angrily, "NOW!"

"I-I j-just wanted t-to, you know...I-I thought t-that if I c-could just prove that I could h-handle one, then y-you'd l-let me have m-mine...I-I was g-going t-t-to go to the firing range...b-b-but i-it went o-off...I-I-I didn't mean for it to go o-off! I-I swear I didn't!" I said desperately, as I watched Mustang's anger building.

"So you mean to tell me that after everything that I told you, you decided to sneak back into the office to play with a firearm?! All because you though I was being unfair? Because you thought that I was being unreasonable? Because you thought that if you could prove that you could handle a gun I'd let you have yours? Do you realize just how close you came to DYING? This is exactly why I didn't let you have the damn thing! You had no idea how to handle a pistol and you...you...YOU ALMOST SHOT YOURSELF!" yelled Mustang.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I hadn't been this scared since my near brush with death from the hands of Barry the Chopper. I tried to blink the tears away but I felt them slip down my face. My shoulders shook from the act of trying to suppress the sobs that were trying to work their way from my throat. I blurrily saw Mustang pull back slightly as if surprised by my tears. I felt Mustang's hands move up from my shoulders to cup my face before pulling me closer so that my head rested on his chest. "I-I could h-have b-been s-s-sh-shot! I-I-I c-could've d-died!" I wailed.

"Easy Edward. Calm down. I need you to calm down. Alright? I need you to calm down, can you do that? It's going to be alright. Just breathe. Breathe. Just breathe." Mustang shushed gently.

"I-I could-could've d-died! I c-could've died!" I cried over and over as the realization washed over me like a wave, my breath coming in with short gasps.

"Shhh. It's alright. It's alright. You didn't die, you didn't get shot. You're alright. Breathe Edward, that an order. Breathe."

I buried my face in his jacket and slowly began to get my breathing under control as I listened to Mustang's whispered nonsense and reassurances. I felt Mustang gently stroke my hair as I tried to calm myself down. When I had finally got my tears under control and my breathing had reduced to a mild hiccuping, Mustang stood and took me by the hand and pulled me up with him. I felt his hands drop onto my shoulders and he started leading me to his office. I looked up at him questioningly, but he just shook his head and pushed me into the room. I kept my eyes on him as he lead me past his desk before he abruptly stopped, looking me in the eyes and said sternly.

"You stay here and do not move."

I lowered my eyes to see that Mustang had placed in me in the far corner of his office. I glanced over my shoulder at him but he just pointed back to the the corner and reiterated.

"Don't move from the corner. I mean it Edward, do not move."

And so that's how I found myself staring at the corner of Mustang's office while the adults discussed what was to be done with me in the outer office. I leaned my head into corner and let out a long drawn in breath. I was pretty sure that I knew what my punishment would be, and as terrifying as the thought was I almost wanted it over, but if what I had in mind was indeed my punishment what on earth was taking them so long? Wasn't Mustang going to sp-sp...you know? Why did they have to discuss it for long? I sighed again.

I don't know for how long I had been standing there but finally I heard Mustang call to me from the other room.

"Edward come in here now."

Turning from the corner, suddenly wishing that I was still within it's safety, I trudged dejectedly into the outer office with my eyes trained firmly on my boots. I didn't want to see the disappointed looks on everyone's faces. I glanced up briefly and saw everything I needed to see. Fuery looked pale and stricken as he was the one that had almost been shot, Havoc was glaring at me but still looked worried about me, Falman and Breda were glowering at me with equally disapproving scowls, Riza looked positively livid, though her dirty looks were, for some reason being directed at both me and Breda, even Hughes, who I noticed was standing in the doorway looked disappointed. Keeping my head bent I stopped in the center of the room in front of Mustang.

"Edward look at me." said Mustang sternly.

I shook my head and carefully studied the small flecks of color in the otherwise beige carpet.

"I'm not on the floor Edward." said Mustang, as he lifted my chin so that I was looking him in the eyes. "Edward, since it was Breda's gun that you took, Breda is going to be the one to punish you." said Mustang evenly.

My eyes went wide with shock. Breda? Nice, comical, yet undeniably strong-armed Breda? I wasn't sure that my backside would handle it. I shook my head stupidly.

"No!" I shouted, as I ran past Mustang for the door, completely disregarding that Hughes was blocking my path.

I was caught around the middle mere seconds later by Mustang, who then proceeded to land three very hard smacks to my backside before setting me down on my feet and turning me around to face the rest of the team, all the while keeping a firm hold on both of my shoulders. I vow my face was burning as much as my backside.

"Anymore trouble from you and you catch it from me as well as Breda! Do you understand me?" growled Mustang.

"Yes Sir..."

"C'mon." said Mustang to rest of the team and Hughes, and gestured to the door. I watched as they all one by one left me to my doom. Mustang lingered for half a moment longer before gently shutting the door with a quiet snap. Feeling Breda's eyes on my I turned around to face him. Now was as good a time as any to start pleading for mercy.

"B-Breda...Please I-"

"No, Edward. There is no talking your way outta this one. Roy's right, you could've shot yourself, you could've killed yourself! Did you even consider that possibility? Do you know how that would have made us feel? How it would have _me_ feel?" interrupted Breda.

"No..."

"Well I'll tell you how it would have made us feel: horrible! You would have shot yourself with _my_ gun, my gun that I shouldn't have had out in the first place! It would have been my fault if something had happened to you. I'm just as much to blame for this as you are, Edward. I never should have left my gun out in a place where you or anyone else could have gotten it. So the blame lies with me for having the temptation just laying on the table just waiting for you there in the first place. We both are to blame for what happened and we both need to own up to what happened and face what's coming. So here's what gonna happen." said Breda, as he sat down on the couch. "You're going to drop your trousers and you're going to lay yourself over my knee, Understood?"

I just stared at him. I knew from the moment that Roy had found me huddled against the wall, terrified that this was going to happen but I had never imagined that Breda would be the one to deliver my punishment and now he was expecting me to just trot on over to him and just do _THAT?_ I shook my head at him.

"You expect me t-to, you know, and just accept it?"

"That's exactly what I expect you to do and I know that you will." said Breda.

"How do you figure that?" I asked, from the safety of the other side of the room.

"Because you don't want to be treated like a child. A child would kick and scream and fight his punishment all the way and I would have to drag you all the way over to this couch. But you're not a child are you? Isn't that what you were trying to prove with that pistol? That you're an adult? That you're a State Alchemist? That you should be given the right to a firearm like every other solider, every other adult, every other man?" asked Breda, while staring at me intently. "An adult, a man would own up to what he had done and accept the consequences. Are you going to be that man? Or are you going to be a child that runs away; a child that has no business ever touching a pistol?"

I just stood there gaping at him. There was absolutely no argument that I could come up with that would refute his logic. My feet started moving of their own accord and I found myself standing beside Breda's left knee. My hands fumbled with my pants for a moment before they slid down to join my knees. I stared at the lap of impending doom. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't, I stood frozen my body unable and unwilling to move, unwilling to lay over Breda's knees. I suddenly found myself staring at the floor. I looked over my shoulder questioningly.

"Even adults sometimes need a little help accepting the consequences of their actions."

I just nodded and turned my face away from him; trying to prepare myself for was about to happen when I felt Breda tap me on the back of my head. I turned back around to look at him.

"Give me your hand Edward."

"W-What?"

"Give me your hand." repeated Breda. "I heard about the little stunt that you tried to pull with Havoc and I'm not taking the chance that you might try it again. I don't fancy getting my face blown off alchemetically."

I begrudgingly allowed Breda to pin my hand to my back with a huff. This position just seemed to make it worse. However I didn't have long to think about it before I felt Breda raise his hand and I sucked in a sharp breath to brace myself. After having been on the receiving end of Havoc's hand I held no illusions that I would be able to take this stoically. His hand came down against my backside with a resounding crack. I gasped at the pain and clenched my teeth together as Breda continued to rain fire down on my backside working evenly from left to right. I felt tears begin to slide down my cheeks, but I refused to make a sound. I pulled my free hand around to my mouth and bit down hard on my knuckles, stifling the sobs that were building in my throat. I felt Breda shift slightly and huff slightly to himself, before I felt him deliver half a dozen burning smack to my sit spots.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

"Don't bite your knuckles Edward."

"Y-Y-Yes Sir!"

Breda grunt in reply and returned to blistering my backside his hand never once slowing it's painful onslaught on my rear as he asked

"Why are you getting this spanking Edward?"

"B-Because I-I-I took you-you're gun a-a-a-and almost sh-shot myself w-with it!" I gasped out.

"Do you understand that what you did was dangerous?" Breda asked, adding a little more force behind his swats.

"Y-Yes Sir!"

"And do you know understand why Roy wouldn't allow you to have a pistol?"

"YES! I-I d-d-do!"

"Then let me ask you something then Edward. Are **SMACK** you **SMACK** ever **SMACK** going **SMACK** to **SMACK** play **SMACK** around **SMACK** with **SMACK** guns **SMACK** again?"

"NO! I swear! I'm never touching a gun again!" I wailed.

"Good."

If I had hoped that that would be the end of it I was was sadly mistaken. Breda lit into my backside with a new fury that had me twisting and bucking, trying to get off his lap. He simply held me a little tighter and delivered several stinging smacks to the undercurve of my bottom. After what had to have been several hours later I fell limply across Breda's knees and just cried over and over.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry! B-Bre-Breda! I'm sor-sorry! I-I'll never d-do it a-a-ag-again!"

"Apology accepted Edward." said Breda, stopping immediately and pulling me up to a standing position.

After my clothing had been right I felt Breda pull me down to sit on his lap. If Havoc hadn't done the exact same thing I probably would have been embarrassed but as it was I just leaned my head against Breda's broad chest and listened to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

"Don't ever put me in a position where I have to do that again Edward." said Breda, as he rested his chin on my head.

"I-I w-won't...I p-promise...Are y-you pissed at m-me?"

"No Edward, I'm not pissed at you. None of us were truely pissed at you. You scared the daylights out of us. I didn't think that anything could scare me as much dogs do, but you proved me wrong on that one. We were scared Edward and fear can turn to anger real quick."

"I-I'm sorry..."

"Shh, it's okay now. It's over. Alright?"

I nodded and took a few deep steadying breaths before I looked up at Breda and asked somewhat nervously.

"What's Mustang gonna to tell the Fuhrer?"

"Probably something along the lines of accidental firearm malfunction. And that you were unfortunate enough to be in the room when it happened." said Breda, with a small smile.

"He's going to lie to the Fuhrer?! To cover for me?!" I asked incredulously.

"Edward, no matter how pissed you might make Roy, he's not going to throw you under the bus to the Fuhrer. That's just not Roy's way. He likes to take care of his men himself. In every sense. He feels responsible for his men and even more so about you because you're only twelve and because he is the only reason that you're even in the military. He's done a lot for you that you don't even know about. So no, Ed, throwing you under the bus and letting the Fuhrer handle things is not something that Roy is ever going to do." said Breda.

"He didn't mind throwing me under the bus to you." I grumbled.

"Yeah well, I'm not the Fuhrer, now am I? And are you saying that you would have rather Roy spanked you? Believe me I went easier on you than he would have."

"I'm not sure that's possible! You smacked me harder than Havoc did!"

"Maybe that's true, but when Havoc _spanked_ you," began Breda, stressing the word. "he was trying to stop your smoking habit before it even started. I'd say that this infraction was just a tad more serious than snitching a few cigs, don't you?"

"I guess so..." I admitted. I chewed my lip thoughtfully before asking the question that had been on my mind since Roy had found me against the wall staring down the barrel of the gun. "How did you all figure out it was me? There's no way you could have known where the gunshot came from if you were all in the mess hall."

"Roy just knew. Probably because you two had argued about it earlier this morning, but still, he just knew. He took off like a bat outta hell. You really scared the hell out of him, Edward."

I made a scoffing noise in the back of my throat that caught Breda's attention.

"Scoff all you want Edward, but it's true. Maybe one day you'll see exactly how much Roy cares about your well being." said Breda sternly.

I stared down at my hands in silence as I tried to contemplate that particular idea, but found that I was too tired from my near death experience and the following punishment to do so. I yawned tiredly and tried to blink away the itchy tiredness from my eyes. Breda, noticing the sleepy-eyed look on my face, gently slid out from under me and laid me down on the couch as comfortably as he could.

"Why don't you rest here for a minute? I'm going to go see where the others are and hopefully survive the onslaught of hurricane Riza."

I chuckled at him slightly before yawning again and nuzzling down on the cushions of the couch. Breda patted my head once more in an affectionate manner before standing up and exiting the room. I blinked slowly, trying to stay awake but I felt blissful sleep pulling at my eyelids, gently closing them until I was sound asleep...

...My eyes opened slightly at the sound of the door opening and closing before shutting again sleepily. There were the sounds of booted feet all around me so I knew the team was back but I didn't want to get up yet from comfortable sleepy position on the couch. Snuggling back in I felt myself start to drift back to sleep when I could have sworn I heard Mustang asked quietly,

 _"Are you sure you weren't too hard on him?"_

It was Breda's voice that answered him,

 _"I gave him no more than deserved."_

 _"He scared the hell out of me, Breda."_

 _"I know."_

I heard someone walk away while the other drew closer to the couch. I felt someone brushed my bangs away from my eyes before something warm and soft was laid down over top of me. It was a jacket that smelled like Mustang's mint aftershave. A hand gently smoothed my hair back once again before muttering quietly.

 _"Brat."_

I smiled slightly at the caring tone fell back into a peaceful sleep.

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 **A/N: I hope that you enjoyed! I personally think that it is my best FMA fanfiction yet. :) Please review and let me know what you thought. And sorry for any grammatical mistakes. I don't have a beta and I sometimes miss the mistakes when I read over it myself.**


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